So...I (21F) have felt deep down that I am bisexual for as long as I can remember. But there's always this voice in my head, telling me that I'm not really into women at all, and that I'm just making it all up for attention. I know in my heart that this is silly, because I have literally never come out to anyone besides my best friend and people on the Internet (though I have been subtly trying to come out to people in college by wearing a rainbow pin on my backpack).

I think the doubts I have mainly stem from both being surrounded by heteronormativity, and the fact that I will likely be disowned by one of my parents if they ever find out (which is one of my greatest fears). I have also never "done anything," nor have I ever been in a romantic relationship with a woman, or a man either for that matter.

Now, I know someone does not have to have been in a relationship in order to know their sexuality, and deep down I KNOW I am into women, at least to an extent. Literally every day of my life, I fantasize about doing..."intimate" acts with women, I have a mile-long list of female fictional crushes/infatuations (there are three in particular who I feel genuinely desperate to marry, those being Luisa from Encanto, Eda from The Owl House, and Velvette from Hazbin Hotel), and I daydream all the time about having romantic relationships with women, marrying women, kissing women, cuddling with women, feeling like me and the woman/women I love are the only people in the universe when we're together...and other things that there are no heterosexual explanations for lol.

But I can't get it out of my head that I'll never really KNOW that I'm into women unless I date or have some sort of experience with a woman. But this is something very difficult to do in my case because I don't want to be with just "any" woman. I want to be with someone I am in love with and trust. But I am afraid that if I do this, I might come to realize that my attraction to women this whole time was fake and end up being some jerk who breaks a woman's heart.

I am also seemingly not attractive to other women, at least not in a romantic/intimate way. I have had multiple crushes on women throughout my college days so far, but none of them have ever been interested in me or liked me back, at least to my knowledge, and I am not comfortable using dating apps either.

So...all that being said, my ultimate question is, what is the best way to feel confident and proud in your queerness, if you are in a situation in which a same-sex relationship will never happen anytime soon?