It's for a while of mine been a huge fantasy of mine to hook up with a guy. I've been on grindr in my small midwest town too many times to count but just never make plans and delete it. For some reason, this time something just made me do it, I made plans to meet up with this guy in a parking lot and actually went. Nothing crazy (thankfully) but we touched each other and tried sucking each other. I thought it would be so hot and he was decently attractive but it was just so awkward and I was so nervous that I struggled to get hard. I now think there are things that I could've done to make it more enjoyable for myself but weirdly (to what i would've thought), I just don't want to do it again. I just feel kinda gross. As a guy who was already struggling with likely being bi, I'm even more confused now.

Edit: never been with a girl before either, so don't know how I would feel after that