For me I was stupidly stubborn about it and repressed it for a long time. Like yk the meme "men be like 'im fighting demons' and the demons be bisexuality"? That was me, basically.

In my defense, I'm also very much asexual, so I didnt have who or what I find hot to go off of in terms of pinpointing my sexuality. I just had to go off who my stupid heart decided to go after. And I don't really get 'crushes', I fall pathetically in love with my bestfriends. Stupidly in love. But said bestfriends were all girls, until I became friends w my most recent bsf.

For some reason I changed the way I talked about certain things to fit his likings, I literally took notes about him on paper so I'd seem more attentive and thoughtful. This was a specific kind of effort I put into no other friendship of mine. I knew it wasn't mutual, but I always called him and considered him my bestfriend. Etc etc., I was a lame simp, basically. I remember one morning, just before waking up, I had a dream we went on a date to watch a play. We were holding hands and he was resting his head on my shoulder. I woke up with a warm feeling, I liked that dream. I then moved on with my day as if that wasnt totally gay, LMFAO. I also remember one time outside he was cold so I was given the opportunity to offer him my sweater. It was my favourite sweater, and seeing him in it, with the hood over his head, was so cute that I accidentally giggled out loud (yk like that kind of giggle you do when you see a cute animal, say. It was one of those). He asked what was so funny and I just went "nothing".

Despite all this, though, I, illogical as all hell, just kind of ignored it and moved on. Not digging deeper into any of that at all. These feelings for him existed for probably a little over a year. It wasn't so bad that all I could think about was him, but my biggest goal throughout this whole period of time was to be the greatest friend to him of all time. To be his knight in shining armour, sworn to protect him, almost. I would often say about our friendship that just because two guys are good friends it doesn't mean they're gay, blah blah, (which, is true. But I was using this talking point as a form of denial and repression). I had so many thoughts of "Why can't he just be a girl?" and "I don't wanna feel this way about a boy. I'm not like that", or "This isn't right" (which is super ironic considering the fact that like none of my friends are straight. So I wasn't homophobic, just to myself). I had so much shame around the whole subject, all of it coming from and aimed at me. (Well, mostly. I'd gotten some random gay allegations entirely unrelated to my behaviour towards this guy during this period as well, which certainly was not helping).

Then there was a short period when I had just sorta accepted that I was bisexual and that those were romantic feelings, I guess. But I felt like I couldn't dare tell anyone that. I felt like this would just be knowledge I would take to my grave, and that would be that.

Then I just said fuck it and came out. I did it scared, I did it still carrying some shame. But I did it. I'm definitely not at a point of screaming it off rooftops, but I tell some people now.

So that's my story, I'm curious to hear some of y'alls