I’m 18m and autistic.

My close circle of friends that I’ve had for years, are going off across the country to separate universities in a month and I am freaking out.

I’m currently battling a plethora of mental problems without access to therapy, so I’ve never felt more alone.

I couldn’t do college because of my panic attacks, and I’ve truly lost interest in pursuing things. I keep trying, but when you have literally 0 motivation or interest, you just want to sleep.

I’m terrified for my friends to leave, because then I’ll be truly alone. No family, no close friends, nothing. They’re gonna be too busy to talk (they’re all incredibly smart and taking on very difficult courses across the country).

I’m not ready for them to leave. I know it’s selfish, but I just want them to stay. Right now the ONLY thing keeping me going is seeing them, and I’m losing that. I’ve tried making new friends, but when you live in the middle of fucking nowhere and hate change, it feels impossible.

I truly, truly don’t know why I’m gonna do when they’re gone.

Everyday has been the same, and no matter what I do it’s an uphill battle and I don’t get anywhere. I just binge eat junk food, or eat nothing at all, and sleep. Productivity lasts only a day or two and I go back into every bad habit I have. With 0 access to therapy as well, I feel invisible.

I don’t know if I want to stick around when they leave