I’m 28F and all of my romantic and sexual experience has been with men. I know that I enjoy sex with men (at least most of the time) but in all of my relationships I’ve always lacked this sense of intimacy. What I mean is that the men that I’ve dated before never really wanted to talk to me, most of the conversations have been really superficial and only reached out for sex. My last relationship with a man was kind of different cause he wanted more, but I just didn’t like him as a person cause we had nothing in common, so I didn’t like talking to him outside of the bedroom. Our sexual chemistry was insanely good and our intimacy was great, despite all of that, which was the reason why we dated for a year.

Now, reflecting on my life, I’ve noticed that I’ve always kind of fulfilled this lack of let’s say conversation? And deep bonds with women. My best friends are all women. In my friend groups and circles, I’d say we’re all women snd gay guys. I have heterosexual male friends, but our friendship is just not that deep. I do have a straight male friend which whom I have a deeper kind of friendship, but things have always been platonic because we live in different countries and he is married.

For so long I’ve been wanting to have a first experience with a woman, since I find woman to woman sex before hot and is a fantasy of mine, but I’ve never had luck. Every time I’ve searched something happens that the woman loses interest in me or the plans fall apart. I know that I could have this first sexual experience with some of my female friends if I want to, but that thought just scares me. I’ve never fucked a friend (neither female or male) but I can not say if it’s a “I’m going to ruin this” type of fear rather than a “What if I like this?”

Most of the time people say that I should identify as queer since I’m not very “straight”. I’m kind of a tomboy, always short hair, and my vibe is really androgynous. I know I’m not your typical “straight” women, but I don’t know if I’m a lesbian either. I’ve never thought of a woman in a “I love her and I want to be with her” way. One time I had a female pen pal with whom I know I had a really strong bond and connection, but that was years ago. I don’t know if that counts as love.

Either way, what confuses me is that I don’t know if maybe I’ve been unlucky with the kind of men I’ve been with and maybe I need to try my luck again on trying to find a guy, or maybe I should start pursuing women even though I have no experience with that. I’ve been thinking about hiring a sex workers that takes female clients so I can have this first experience, but I’m still undecided.

Thank you if you read all of this and I’d love to read your comments if you’ve been though something similar.