Early 30’s, male, USA. Been attracted to men for as long as I can remember. As a teenager, had a few experiences with women—kissing and foreplay. I remember enjoying it, but wasn’t super attracted to the particular women who were interested in me. Besides, men were much easier to understand personally and experiment with sexually.

Because of my attraction to men, I ended up coming out as gay at 15. Was a huge life event for me. Rocked my rural high school (I was the first guy to ever come out). I ended up leaning heavily into a very gay identity because I figured I needed to conform to fit in somewhere. Over the years, I came to know my authentic self, and my identity, personality and self-expression settled. I became comfortable with my own preferences and traits…some of which are stereotypically gay, others stereotypically straight, and most of which aren’t coded by sexual orientation at all.

I did have two significant romantic crushes on women during college, but I suppressed them—because of fear of the unfamiliar, and my being out as gay to them. My handful of college sexual experiences with other women—more than foreplay, but less than sex—were really fun.

Fast forward to my early 30’s. A chance encounter with a beautiful woman walking her dog in the park. We hit it off right away. Meeting for drinks, I shared that I am attracted to men, and instantly, I could tell from her end our relationship would be social, and nothing more. We started a friendship, and my feelings for her beyond friendship have faded away.

A beautiful woman my age lives down the hall. She knows that I date men. However, she is a photographer—and when I asked her to critique the photos I chose for an online dating profile, she saw that I am interested in both men and women. I can tell she likes me personally, and ever since that day, she’s flirty. Really flirty. Invited over to her apartment, sitting together on her couch—when she smiles sweetly and looks into my eyes, or laughs heartily at my jokes, or leans very deliberately into my shoulder and cuddles up on me, I feel her soft hair and delicate form pressed up against mine, and it’s…novel, it’s enticing, it’s electric. I can’t get her out of my mind. I think sexual thoughts about us often. I’ve followed the feeling and we’ve built up a sizzling rapport with one another. She’s out of town for a couple of months—just enough time to clear my head somewhat. I’m extremely attracted to her, but I’m also hesitant because of my sexual inexperience with women, not to mention her being my neighbor. I don’t want there to be any awkwardness and wish she didn’t live so close to me.

It’s gotten to the point where my interest in men has declined, and my interest in her and in other women has come to the forefront. I’m stuck on the idea of sex with a woman, and I’m starting to believe that I’m truly bi, and not gay.

I’ve started putting myself out there, and boy, it’s an entirely different ball game from the world of men having sex with men. But I’m here for it.

Happy to hear thoughts, advice, similar experiences, and questions. DMs open.