I'm currently living in this odd space in my mind between Male and possibly NB? Though for the sake of this we will call it unknown.

Whilst most of my life I have just identified as Male mainly due to ignorance and fear of being different (who am i kidding I've always been different and bullied for it) I have always been quite effeminate and expressive in my mannerisms especially when I'm open and relaxed, but I've never been one of 'the guys' heck aside from their Boyfriends my friends are all female. I don't exactly resonate with the Male label however I just use it because yeah, sometimes I'm sad I was born Male and hate my body but I know I don't identify as female plus I'm 34 now and my family is bigoted as heck they don't even know I'm bi and would probably disown me if they found out.

Clothes wise it's always baggy clothes as I've been overweight a lot in my life thanks to anti depressants and despite losing a lot of that wright I still gave body fat and hate my body. Hate having body hair but whilst I have seen guys with more I have no time/money for that kind of maintenance, or this could be internalised issues thinking men would never touch a bottom with body hair 😅. But even with women I prefer to keep my top covered due to body issues and self harm (always wearing long sleeves in front of people)

I dunno I feel this got off topic, I just don't know who I am. Any advice/questions please feel free to help me figure this out 🥲.