I'm 41 and have only ever been with women and I find women attractive. I'm not necessarily attracted to guys (but I am very attracted to Trans women), but the thought of submitting to a guy and being a bottom turns me on so much and this thought has been in my head since my teen years. I'm recently single and considering finally following through but I get cold feet whenever I start to act on trying to hook up with someone.

With women I've always been the more dominant one in the relationship although I have had relationships where I've been pegged, so I'm not completely against being submissive.

As far as guys go like I said I'm not necessarily attracted to them but I am extremely turned on by the thought of their penis and me getting them off. I don't really want any reciprocation if/when I finally follow through with this I kind of just want to be used.

When alone masturbating I sometimes like to cross dress and use dildos, and finding the orgasms to be much more intense and enjoyable.

I don't know I guess I'm just confused by all these feelings and thoughts and figured I'd post here to get it off my chest and possibly see what others think.