I'm a 29 year old female, for clarification. I've been confused for many years and I'm still not sure about my sexuality. As a kid I had only crushes on boys. As a young teen I crushed on several men and boys as well, never on a girl. I had a very strong crush on a boy for 2 years but I was rejected by him. I was 16 when I felt sexual attraction to a girl for the first time, it was a friend of mine and I'm still friends with her to this day. There also was another girl I was sexually attracted to when I was 17. I also was friends with her for a short period of time. When I was 18 and finally tried to accept my attractions towards women, I started to daydream about being in relationship with a girl. It felt so deeply romantic and tingly. It never felt like this when I imagined to be with a man. I could be aroused by the thought of having sex with a certain boy I developed an emotional connection with from time to time but I really wanted to be attracted to men at this time. It was never real because he wasn't interested in me and I didn't see him in a long time.

I started a relationship with a man when I was 19 and repessed my attractions towards women completely for a few years. I'm still with him. Making out with him always aroused me and I deeply craved to have sex with him, many, many times throughout our relationship. I still do. Our relationship is troubled, so I often wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with another person. To this day it still feels so tingly and romantic to imagine to be in relationship with a woman I create in my phantasy, to kiss her, to cuddle her, to sleep with her. Those thoughts also can arouse me very much but I always need to imagine our emotional bond and getting to know each other at first to even get to the point where it arouses me. I can't daydream about being in a relationship with another man. I don't feel anything if I try to do so.

In general I can't feel sexual attraction to people I have no emotional connection with and have been sexually attracted only to a very few people so far which why I know I'm demisexual. I've identified as a demisexual bisexual for years now after I came out to myself as a lesbian 7 years ago. It was a long road to finally get to this point ago because I really didn't want to be a lesbian for a long time. But it still didn't feel right because I still often felt a desire to have sex with my male partner and I also noticed I didn't feel attraction to random women at all like lesbians usually describe but bisexual also never felt entirely right because I'm not really interested in dating men in general but I enjoy and crave sex with my male partner. I also get very turned on by the thought of stories of heterosexual sex under certain circumstances of other people (a person who had sex with just a friend without protection, even though she didn't want to get pregnant or an experience my partner had with another women before we met) I imagine to be the women in those situations and also the male to look like my partner. I often masturbate to this thoughts. It used be like this even back when I was 18, except the male in my thoughts had to look like the other guy I had an emotional connection with when I was 18.

I wonder if I'm actually bisexual or if it's comphet and I'm actually lesbian.