Hello all. Bi man here. In my hookup life, I stumbled a couple of times on partnered men who wanted to meet me without their partner being ok or even aware about it. It's usually "straight" or bi men, but sometimes gay men too. In the discussion, they usually bring the subject as "must be discreet," and when I ask, they say the partner doesn't know, or the partner is "kinda ok," or "it's really once in a while." Sometime they add "I'll tell them later."

For me, it's always a deal breaker. I don't want to be a secret, nor a couple wrecker. I'm 35 and out for my sexuality and life choices. I'm perfectly ok with people who go have fun with their partner's consent, of course. But no weird plans like we're 21, I'm too old for that. When I meet somebody for a hookup, I don't want to feel like I'm an exhaust for their sexual frustration. Or that I've to hide what we're doing. I guess that, this may not be the only "surprise" I'd have with them. I would also feel bad for the other partner being cheated on.

Sometimes people get quite upset by my reaction. "It's not your problem" they say, "I can't simply say my partner that I'm out to have a fuck." Maybe I've a strict point of view. Maybe I sound too pedant? They ask "what's the problem?" and I've a hard time to answer more than "I just don't want this."

So I wonder, what is your opinion on this?