Hey guys, 25 year old guy here just trying to figure out some feelings I've had my entire life but slowly been figuring out over time. I like people. Romantically, I've always just like people without regard to gender or the sort. Sexually, it took a while from me thinking I was gay to learning that I do like women as well just that my sexual attraction towards the feminine was more muted than towards the masculine. Great! I'm bi/pan and all is well in the universe.

Except the fact that I don't really want to have sex.

I like sex, I really do especially when it's with someone that I like except something always felt off. Either I was not into it as I should or physically it's not pleasurable though instinctively my body reacts to stimuli. Looking back on previous experiences, my taking part in the act was less because I wanted to experience pleasure, but I wanted my partner to feel pleasure. That I was going through the motions because though I enjoyed the experience of having sex, I did not enjoy having sex.

After a lot of digging around, asking my friends and deep introspection I've come to the conclusion that I'm somewhat ace. Aegosexual to be exact and then everything clicked. The definition is quite vague but for me, it generally came down to as “being sexual attracted to things as long as I am not the party involved.”

Which brings up the problem. I like people and generally when it comes to liking someone, sex is part of the deal. Sure, I bring myself to do the deed (though as of late it's been becoming increasingly difficult to fulfil the role of the top) but it doesn't feel right penetrating someone but not actually being in the moment. And sure, I can just lay there and take it, but I've been genuinely…bored sad to say for what should have been mind-blowing sex and faking it doesn't sit right with me at all.

I'm not sure how to move forward with this revelation to be honest short of being a dildo or a fleshlight. Those that do sex don't feel comfortable being with someone who don't appreciate it like them and those who don't do sex don't feel comfortable with someone who likes sex but yet doesn't want it. I hate to say it but the bullying over liking guys and the hurtful words of being “promiscuous” because of being bi is a lot more bearable than this constant level rejection from everyone because I'm “broken” and “not right enough”. And the thought that I may not find someone to enjoy and spend my days with keeps me up at night.