Bear with me, I’m not entirely sure where this question is going.

So, my husband is bi and I find it a huge turn on. I’ve always been into mm erotica/porn/etc so it really makes me feel like I’ve won the lottery being with someone I can freely talk about and share this side of my desires.

We talk about maybe experimenting with an another man at some point, only if the perfect person and timing happened, but it’s a fantasy that gets us both going.

Sometimes my husband says things like ‘are you sure you’re not bi?’ in a jokey kind of way to bring up a possibility of female third, and I always shut it down with a definite no.

Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out what the no is referring to though. I’ve always been pretty open to anyone’s sexuality. Likewise genders in general. I have found both men and women attractive, and have kissed girls (and liked it) in the past and had a half assed attempt at a threesome with a girl friend and a guy who ended up being too drunk. I’ve always had a strong preference for men - up to a point of enjoying mm stuff - but I don’t find the thought of being with a woman terrible. Although I do not have any desire going down on a woman, I would not mind them doing it to me.

So, I’m thinking that when I separate the two things, being attracted to both sexes and my husband, it turns out that maybe my no is not about not being bi, but about jealousy over him. The thought of him with another woman gives me a visceral repulsed reaction, and I never wish to share him with a woman. Whereas the thought of him with another man is a turn on.

I don’t know what I’m asking. I guess whether anyone else has these conflicting feelings? Whether I am bi on some sort of scale after all? Not really sure that it matters, but just something that my mind has been mulling over.