Have you heard of Emily Nagoski’s concept of spontaneous and responsive desire? I feel like in my long term relationship I’m having only responsive desire to my opposite sex partner, but because of only recently and late in life recognising my bisexuality I’m experiencing this (new to me) intense spontaneous desire for guys. Like often. Previously I thought I might be demisexual for women and I always needed to find the right and specific woman - I had never and could never do one night stands and flings, and I still could be Demi towards women, but now I’m questioning whether I have only been sensually and emotionally attracted and experiencing the self manipulation of repression and comphet my whole life (30yrs)..

I am inside of this long term relationship with a woman who is so supportive and accepting of me. It tears me apart to think whether I am actually sexually attracted to her or not…

I know that we can be bisexual if we experience attraction to either sex or gender to any and differing degrees. But I feel like my hetero attraction is in question. It’s something I’ve been plagued my life with questions about performance anxiety and insecurity about not fancying random women or choose your fav or whatever and I was like hmmmmmm. Now I’m accepting the thing about guys I’m like yeah much more open in feeling that attraction to a wider group of individuals not so selectively and not requiring an emotional connection. Was I demi in requiring an emotional connection? Or was I self deluded and closeted and forcing myself into an intimate exchange and waiting for arousal and attraction to happen in the moment - which I’ve read is not potentially authentic sexual attraction.. :(