I’ve had a hard time accepting that I’m a little bit gay. I’ve only ever been with women and we’ve had long relationships. But it’s always ended cause I’ve kind of lost interest and porn addiction has been a thing for me. I’ve come to accept that my homosexual attraction has been ‘hidden’ in the porn habit. Throughout my time I’ve sometimes had issues getting or keeping an erection with women. With my girlfriend now it’s like. I can be aroused with her but it’s like when we are physical with one another - that gets me into it when we kiss and then I’m in the moment with her, but I don’t generally look at her and desire her.. that sounds and is bad I know.. I have only had some brief experiences with guys before but I find that fantasy quite arousing, more so than hetero fantasy. Vanilla hetero porn does nothing for me either..

Have I fetishised being gay and getting D at the expense of my hetero fantasy capacity?

Or am I just another gay guy with internalised homophobia wishing he was bi…. :(