Okay so I’ve (30f) known my boyfriend (28m) is bi since a few months after we started dating. (Totally fine, me too) we’ve been together 5 years. A lot of things have happened during that time. I guess I should also say he said bi-curious. His first and only experience was SA in high school from a friend he trusted. A couple weeks ago (and I can go into more detail for anyone who may need it just ask) we talked more about his sexuality and he’d finally been more forthcoming about also wanting to be more feminine and things of that nature. (Again, that’s fine) but for the last couple months because of things I’d seen I’d been asking more and hoping he knew that I was okay with it. We’ve had our issues. He lies in general about little things here and there. And sometimes big depending on what it’s important to you. Well a couple days after my house burnt down I’d seen he had googled “gay cruising insert city we live in here” I asked him about it and he said he didn’t know and lied. I brought it up again after everything came out and he still acted like he didn’t know. I let another week go by and I was like look I know what this is and I know you knew too. I don’t get how we can navigate if you won’t be honest when I’ve been nothing but supportive. (Lying is the worst thing you can do to me) I know this is very messily written and I apologize. I guess I’m looking for help or advice because I do want to be supportive but I don’t understand this and even with what I’ve given there’s still a lot more info. I guess I’m just starting here.

ETA: we are in a monogamous relationship so I felt that what he did was considered cheating since that meant looking for people in our area to hook up with. I understand being curious. There’s just a lot more than infidelity that could have potentially caused us harm. He told me he had a license when we first started dating or at least he lied by omission because I asked if he wanted to drive and he said no. It was dark and he didn’t have his glasses. I only found out that he didn’t have it from his parents because they assumed he told me. He’s lied about saying he has to work a day that he doesn’t.

Questions are what is acceptable, nuanced, and I want to move forward confidently but I need to know that I can. Maybe through some perspective and advice I might have to reevaluate this but my biggest thing is if I decide not to go on this journey I want him to understand that it isn’t the sexuality.