TW: suicidal thoughts and mental distress

I am having a breakdown and panicking. I’m 18m and something is really wrong with me.

I feel so unhappy and depressed, all I want to do is sleep. No doctor has actually been helping me. I’m feeling hopeless. There’s no therapy service that they can offer me and I can’t afford private health/counselling.

I’m trapped at home. I’m jobless with no motivation or mental state to get a job and I’m out of education.

It’s 2:30am and I feel like I’m on the edge of a breakdown.

I don’t want to check myself into a hospital because they’ll just make things worse. My friends and family can’t help me. I’ve tried talking but it doesn’t make me feel better.

What is wrong with my brain?? I’m autistic and feel like I’ll always be depressed. I’m not earning money and I barely leave the house because of panic attacks. I CONSTANTLY feel so depressed and want to die.

I hate this feeling so much and I’m terrified of it. I am not coping and cannot get a job. What is wrong with me?? I’m considering scraping all my savings for betterhelp online. Would that be any good? It is literally my very last hope and I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if that fails. I feel so ill. Oh god please I’m so scared someone help me