I am having some weird feelings. I dunno. When I date men, my feelings for them are generally calm and easy to manage and understand. My feelings for women I'm interested in are weird as fuck though. Like, I never want to see or talk to them again. I actively avoid talking to them. I pine for them when they aren't around and then hide from them when they are. It's like, actual fear. I have some religious trauma so I guess it's that?? I will do this thing where I match with women on dating apps and then clam up completely and stop responding after a while. But then fantasise about them when I'm "safe" away from them and feel heaps of regret for the way I act. What the fuck is wrong with me and how do I begin to unlearn it? It's driving me crazy and it's so weird to not be able to name what's scaring me so much. I think a big part of it is my feelings are much more intense for women, and I don't want to give someone the power to hurt me like that. A man not liking me feels neutral, a woman not liking me? Unbearable. How could I live if I fell in love and had to watch her not feel the same? I really want to get through this strange mindset. Does anyone relate?