So I don't like labels being placed on my sexuality. Not because of shame or not knowing what to call myself, but simply  because my sexuality isn't what defines me or  who I am,  Instead I want my actions,  my character and what I can do in my lifetime be what defines me.  I've always been curious about everything in life, I am not attracted to men the same  way I am to women.  With a woman I'm romantically attracted,   with men it's purely carnal fun, but in the 80s-90s it was taboo, and looked down on by the majority of peers. 

My dad told me as preteen that I may be asked to do things with other boys and it was normal and part of growing up.  Well I never saw anything that he  mentioned actually happen. I was a normal 12 yr old boy filled with hormones and not really able to approach girls at school to experience the things I was curious about like how things would feel.  I had a best friend that I stayed over at his house on the  weekends.  Well we both were in the beginning of the pubescent period. We would watch skin a max and get turned on and one night I remembered my dad telling me something and it's normalcy for my age group to be curious or want to try stuff to see how it felt. 

  So I decided to see how Aaron would react to things I said and even at that age I could see and hear this s beforehand and read vibes and people okay for a kid.  We were watching something looking at Playboys. And both of us were getting hard. I was curious what his looked like and felt like to touch. Also was wondering how it would feel to be sucked. So I look at him and told him how my dad said it was normal and  wouldn't mean we were gay. Cause I clearly was turned on from naked girls and same for Aaron .   So first time was just both of us showing ours to one another.  Then I say we should touch them and each others. And it felt good lol different than touching myself. Next I was like man wonder what it feels like to have a girl suck it. But we didn't have a girl available.....so I was like I will suck you if you suck me. We ended up trying for a couple mins the we jerked off and went to sleep..  fast forward to next weekend, and we both said no one is to speak on this again.  The next time   we  did a 69 and it was fun at the time. We may have did it a time of two after that but we agreed we got to experience something new. 

And that was it for my experience. During gym I was curious what other guys dicks looked like. Them I sawy friends dick and it was 9 inches and he was 14 or 15 I was 12. And thought mine is Bo where closeto that and he is t . much older. 7th then 8th grade it didnt grow I didn't do anything else, till 2005 I think. Worked at waffle House and there was the emerald City gay club that was a block away. Late nights we got hit by them hard. A guy told me I was hot and at that time I didn't think I would ever like it. I told him I have a girlfriend she is working here too. I like strictly women. He replied I can where a dress and a wig and tits what would that do for me and I got offensive and walked a way because I was shift leader.

Few months later I was single shy and not good with women where I lived. So I drove to emerald City and sat in lot contiplating if I could go in and what would happen. Would I do something or And would my friends find out and I panicked and left never went back.

That was it for those curious thoughts, so I thought 🤔 lol well I occasionally wild have dreams about me and a guy doing things. Never paid attention cause it's something I heard is Normal. Now they didn't happen often. Here comes 2008 joined a new group of friends and had two gay guys that were nice and fun to chill with, they don't make me nervous, but always said I'd be welcome to try out for the team and I just blushed and laughed it away. 2009 I met my wife. She was the first one I ever told about middle school. She said it was normal and I was t gay. Well something was different in 2017 I started having dreams and thought about experimenting with guys. But just a thought, then we weren't having sex and I didnt want her cause we had issues. I heard about grnder somewhere and I dl made a profile and wanted to see what would happen. Hung out with a guy but just talked about experimenting In school. He didnt make me uncomfortable but I wasn't sure if I was really curious or if maybe I had been. Gay all these years then laughed cause I love pussy to much. I met another guy and he was nice and understood my thoughts and he sucked me but didnt cum.

 2017 Sarah passed away. And I was trying to experience something new. And that's when I topped and sucked a guy for first time.  Then I got more comfortable but still not fully here yet.  Went back to Lakeland which has a large  population of LGTBQ.  Still cautious and overthinking it all. Didnt do much. 2021 after my heart was broken by baby ma and rebound played me. I decided I would give guys a try along with trans women cause it was my kink chicks with tits and dicks was hot 🥵

But I live at home and to much to stress about. Well 2022 I was just done with things and decided to do something new and travel and gig work and enjoy life. Grnder again but I was alone for real with no body to ask or pry into my travels. I discovered that I'm not a label person. And I'm not gay but not straight. Tied guys and trans woman and a trans man I just discovered that I was just a sexual person and was bisexual if anything else cuz I love pussy and would rather be with a female in romance relationshipz . After the summer of exploration I met my bi Gemini twin and fell in love again and she loved how I was bi and open and honest about it and wasnt ashamed of my sexuality. Tats when I decided that I'm not a label. I'm Caligula reincarnated. He was pan or bi in Roman times. It's about pleasure and enjoying all of God's sexual creations. I had so many guys trying I make me theird because I was just being me, but I always told them I am not into guys romantically just sexually. That I couldn't be in a man with man relationship because I'd be with women and wouldn't want to hurt anyone. That pussy is always going to trump them. If I get my heart broken this time then I might try something else but she is my dream girl And likes all the same I do.

In conclusion I am happier now that I accepted me for me, I have grown in confidence and comfortable with who I am, I like that I can be open now. But at the end of the day I know who I am and what I like, I'm not defined by a label or my past. I define these by my current actions and intentions. And call me Caligula or. For the signs of Caligula Reincarnated church of the sexually liberated.