I posted this on r/swingers and my husband claimed their responses were rooted in biphobia. So I’m posting here to get the perspectives of bi people .

I know this is a long post and I apologize for the length, but there's a lot to tell. Throwaway. Husband "Bill" and I have been married 26 years and in the LS for 2 1/2 years. Our experiences started out as mainly MFM's. After a few months in the LS Bill told me he is bi. I am a straight or heteroflexible woman. I had no problem with his his sexuality, so after that our LS experiences have mainly consisted of MMF's with other bi men. At home we always played as a couple and all communication included both of us. Up until now everything in the LS had been very positive and went very well, with no conflict, jealousy or hurt feelings on either side.

We recently went to Hedo for Bi Week. Being Bi Week I knew the focus was going to be on the Bi community and Bi experience, especially Bi males. No problem. We decided that given the size of the resort and type of event, we would each have a hall pass but we would still be meeting with people with the idea of them later playing with us together, if possible. OK.

The first night there I was exhausted from lack of sleep and the trip there, so I went to bed around midnight. He wasn't ready to go to sleep and was in and out of the room until about 4 AM, getting food and drinks etc. So I didn't get much sleep. Breakfast ended at 10:30 so I had to get up for that. By Sunday afternoon I was exhausted so after lunch I decided to take a nap. I was gone about 2 hours. He was out at the pool/hot tub, and in those 2 hours he gave and/or received oral sex with 4 people, one M/F couple and a couple of single men. When he told me I sarcastically said "wow, it looks like you do better without me than with me". He answered "I guess I do".

The next day, Monday, around noon we were heading to the pool/hot tub area, he said "Since I do better without you than with you, I want you to keep your distance." I tried to ask him what kind of distance are we talking about, 10 ft, 20 ft, in visual range, or what. He waved off my question and said "Just don't get too close." A little later that afternoon I asked him to elaborate on the earlier comment. He said he thought us presenting as a couple inhibited others from approaching so he wanted to present as single and suggested I do the same. At that point I was beginning to wonder why I was even there, and in fact I asked him that later that evening. He acted like I was insane to even ask the question.

So the next day, Tuesday, I hung out mainly on the beach and left him at the pool/hot tub area. I didn't play, he did. After dinner we were in the bi orgy room and there was a man there, "Gary", he had met up with earlier. So the three of us were playing, and had given and/or received touching and oral. I then got on top of Bill and had sex with him. Somewhere in all this Gary had banged his leg on the edge of the bed's platform and was taking a quick break. After Bill and I finish, he appears noticeably sullen and angry. I ask him what's wrong. He said "you cockblocked me". At that point I lost it. I started crying and left. He left too and continued arguing.

The next day, Wednesday, I avoided Bill like the plague. I spent the afternoon walking up and down the beach, occasionally sitting and crying. Before dinner I told him he had really hurt my feelings and I was upset, and I didn't want anything to do with him for the remainder of the trip and I'd see him Saturday. He was upset, accused me of "overreacting", and if we avoided each other, other people would pick up on this and avoid both of us. OK fine. So I told him stay away from me until midnight. Which he did. We talked through the "cockblocking" comment and things were amicable for the rest of the trip.

Correction: we had discussed booking Hedo next year early on in the week. The next year's Bi Week reservations started filling up early in the week so I (incorrectly) thought he booked then. In fact, on Saturday, when we were boarding the shuttle bus to the airport to go home, he asked me if we should book for next year. Apparently I said yes. I don't remember this happening but it could have. Most likely I was still half asleep and trying to get situated on the bus, and I said yes because it wasn't a conversation I'd want to have there. In the past I have agreed to things against my better judgment to avoid an argument I didn't think I could win. That was my mistake and I should not have agreed.

I was still hurt and angry though, and last night I brought up the other things he said. He's claiming I'm taking everything out of context, and his comments referred only to when we're at the pool/hot tub area, since that's where a lot of the preliminary flirting happens. At no point while we were there did he say he was referring to when we're at the pool/hot tub specifically, and he never mentioned this until I took issue with what he said.

I told him I felt angry, hurt, rejected, isolated, unwanted. He talked at length about observing other people's behavior, especially other couples, and behavior differences between the couples who were hooking up versus the ones who weren't. He said Bi Week at Hedo was a totally new experience for both of us and we're still trying to figure things out. OK, fair enough, but he still said what he said without naming the "context" and I still felt upset and hurt. He said he didn't know what he could have done differently or how he could have prevented this from happening. I told him to 1. Not say the things he said, 2. Actually state context, and 3. Ask himself how he'd feel if he were on the receiving end of what he's about to say, before he says it. I also told him if our second trip to Hedo Bi Week leaves me feeling like this again, I will never go back, and if he goes again after that it will be as a single man.

I know this isn't r/AmItheAsshole but am I all wrong on this?

Update: when I first raised these issues last night, he never denied saying what he said. He stuck to arguing about "context", that in that context what he said was ok and I'm overreacting. In other words, classic gaslighting. I had him read this post and your comments and now he's switching to denying he ever made those comments! Funny he didn't outright deny them last night when he felt he could convincingly argue "context" and claim I was "overreacting". I told him flat out that liars change their stories and he's changing his after the ass whupping y'all gave him!