I am a cis bi M for reference. I have only had sex with women. I thought I was straight for most of my life.

Started questioning recently, began fantasizing about things and now I think I am developing a crush on one of my male friends. Still in the questioning phase but I'm starting to feel more confident in my new identity.

But one thing I'm noticing is that I don't really care about getting validation from men, yet I desperately want women to validate me.

I guess it's because I know for a fact that the second I try to go fuck men, it'll be super easy. Like, I have no doubt in my mind that men will want me. If I wanted sex I could have it literally right now.

But, despite having had a fair amount of casual encounters with women, I often still feel like I'm not enough for women. Like I desperately crave female validation, but I seem to not really give a shit about male validation.

I guess it's also because society tends to reward men for sleeping with lots of women whereas sleeping with men is seen as a dirty thing. I'd be lying if I said a big part of the pleasure of getting laid with women wasn't the validation that came along with it.

And I'm still questioning so this isn't definitive, but I also really do not feel like I have romantic interest in a guy. As of now I feel like I still prefer women, I'm not sure if it's internalized homophobia or the bicycle getting in the way, but the attraction does seem to be ramping up to a degree.

It just feels weird. I feel like when I fantasize about relationships I'm always thinking about a girl, and not a guy, yet my sexual fantasies can kind of go both ways. I guess maybe I'm just straight leaning. I'm not sure tbh.