To make the context as short as possible:

When I was younger I thought I was a straight girl (now 22F) whose shyness and self-consciousness was preventing her from interacting with her male crushes. Then I discovered the beauty of women and wondered if maybe I was a lesbian. After that, I panicked (I know there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, it's more about the idea that I didn't realise it all this time, and what else might be going unnoticed right now...). Since then, I've been in a continuous cycle of "I'm a lesbian, I'm bi, I'm a lesbian, I'm bi".

Now the points on both sides.

On the one hand, the main reason I think I could be a lesbian is the difference in emotions I feel when I see women. It's mostly celebrities, but when I see them, I feel something very different than when it's a man (celebrity or not). It's a totally different feeling than when I feel any attraction to a man. With a man it's almost always like "he's cute" and I can even get into shy mode and stuff like that, but that feeling of completeness or that everything is alright, I don't feel it.... And that makes me doubt if I like them or if it's actually comphet.

On the other hand, this is why I think I might be bisexual (although with a likely preference for women).

• All my crushes were men during my teenage. It's true though that later I realized I might have had some on women but didn't notice it at the time.

• When I first started masturbating, I did it with men in mind. Usually they were older people (teachers mainly), but when I interacted with an attractive guy, even if it was just for a little while, if I felt a chemistry, it wasn't unusual that when I got home I would get off thinking about him.

• I've read cases of people who are bisexual but say that their feelings towards each gender (or non-gender) are different. Maybe this is the case for me too.

• I haven't had any close relationship with men for years. The last boy friend I had was when I was 8 years old and we stopped being friends because he suddenly insulted me on social networks. The rest of the men I talk to are 95% family, 3% people online and 2% people from my language academy, and I don't like the 5% very much: they are either looking for sex only without having ever seen my face or they already have a partner and are 10 years older than me.

• When I started appreciating women's beauty and allowed myself to be attracted to them, I remember I used to say "men scare me" pretty often. Truth be told, I have had my problems with both men and women, almost more with the latter, in fact; so I don't know why I seem to have a trauma with men or a huge fear of being mocked for my looks (I'm fat and I don't think I fit too much into today's canons of beauty...). Maybe it's that I've felt very sexualised by society, even by my family (the ex-husband of my aunt once told me out of the blue that he "hadn't realised how big they (my boobs) were")...

• Sometimes I wonder if maybe because of this trauma, what I need is to meet men (who just want a friendship) and learn to feel comfortable with them, to know that not every one is like my fears tell me they are.

• Lastly, this is the funniest thing I think lol. Most of the month I feel mainly attracted towards women, but then when my period is near, I start finding men more attractive and simping for them. I even imagine how it would be to be in a couch hugged warmly by one while he takes care of me during my crumps.

I know I'm the only one who can answer my question, but I wanted to ask for advice on how to find out. Whether youve gone through some like this or not, any help is hugely welcomed. Thanks in advance☺️