Tl;dr

Hi all,

Hope everyone is having a great Easter weekend.

Myself (M40) and my wife (40) have been together for 13 years, married for 10. We’ve got two kids. In January, she told me she regrets never having had a sexual relationship with a woman - she’s fooled around with girls a bit when she was younger, but nothing serious or past first base.

It’s rocked me more than I thought it would. I’m desperate to support her, I want her to be happy and fulfilled but also, selfishly, I don’t want her having a fling with someone else as NRE is powerful and I suppose I’d be jealous that a) I’m not part of the excitement or b) I’m steady and reliable rather than new and exciting.

I adore my wife, she still gives me butterflies but she says that where we are now; kids, mortgage, no sleep and general life pressures that that’s a stage of our relationship she’s past. She says she loves me more than ever and sees us together in 20 years time.

I should also add that she says it may never happen as she doesn’t want an internet hook-up, or to do anything with someone she already knows as a friend. We live in a middle-sized town and, with the aforementioned life pressures, it’s probably remote that she’ll find someone who fits the Venn diagram.

Anyway, life goes on and I’m my own worst enemy from a point of view of destructive thoughts. Despite the reassurances, I over think everything and I suppose I’m not really in the moment that much when we’re together like I find myself over analysing her behaviour “is she being too quiet?” “Does that mean she’s going off me?” Etc.

She says she won’t do anything that I’m uncomfortable with but who can say whether she would grow to resent me if I blocked her? Who can say whether I would resent myself if I didn’t? More of the overthinking there I guess. I just want to do what’s best for us in the longer term.

Anyway, I wondered whether there are any books out there that have good advice for people in my boat? We’ve talked about it all a lot, and there’s nothing else to say until there’s something new to say. In the meantime I wondered what I can learn that could be useful.

Thanks in advance!