like fucking honestly y am i crying idek like idek how tf i feel idek what i want from life all it is is trying to be a christian i jump constantly into relationships and get hurt i’m confused about my own sexuality idek who i am or who i become i wanna smoke soooo bad but i can’t and life is shitty rn and idek i wanna try so hard to put it in gods hands but idk like my life jus spinning in circles between ppl coming in and ppl fucking leaving it doesn’t even make sense i literally jus fucking cried for no reason other than i’m just broken inside and idek how to fix myself things aren’t even making me feel love anymore i have no excitement and more and shii is jus pointless i wanna kms hit i can’t bc i’m scared of the pain and like i literally thought about trying to overdose on pain killers today i put myself in these dumb ass places and decisions and it’s nobodies fault but mine but i keep doing just to feel alive and maybe think that i can find a person who makes me feel like me like i wanna turn my life more and more close to god but as more as i try it’s like the harder my life gets like damn wtf does the devil have against me like shii jus keeps getting harder and idek how to control myself anymore it’s like sometimes i’m not even in control of my like