I am a bi woman married to a man. I have short hair and I don't dress very feminine. I have done a lot of unpacking about my sexuality, and have found a place of peace and acceptance. One hang-up I still have is I get a lot of comments about looking like a lesbian. Now, this doesn't necessarily offend me because I'm not straight and I'm pretty comfortable with that fact but it's usually said like it's an insult. "Like don't take this the wrong way but I thought you were a lesbian when we first met and then I found out you had a husband." I usually laugh it off and just say I'm bi, so you were half right.

I work with teens, so I get these comments all the time (I get it from adults too). I also live in an area where short hair on women is uncommon so short hair = lesbian. My "nickname" is the lesbian English teacher. It's not all bad because I've become an unspoken safe haven for lgbt students without having to say anything and 90% of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I have thick skin from years of teaching, but I have to admit it hits a sore spot with me some days. It brings me right back to being a kid again and constantly getting comments about how I dressed or wore my hair. Why can't you dress like her or grow your hair out or you'd look so cute if you just... or you look like a boy or I've never seen a girl do that or like that before. It created so much shame for me. Shame that's been really hard to work through. Lesbian was a dirty word and something you definitely didn't want to be when i was growing up. It's one of the reasons I was so terrified to come to terms with my sexuality in the first place.

On one hand, I am so proud of myself for how far I've come, but on the other hand, at times it flares up that old insecurity. I feel comfortable with being a woman. I feel comfortable being bi (I am very gay just not all the way). I am happy with who I am. Can't I just be a woman with short hair and not be compared to Ellen Degeneres? It's unfortunate that society still expects women to fit neatly in a box and be easily labeled.