Our daughter was a complete surprise to me and my boyfriend. I literally didn't know I was pregnant until I was in labor (actually, fairly far along). Though we have a loving relationship and are emotionally and physically at a time in our lives when many people become parents, we didn't feel like we were financially stable enough or that I was physically healthy enough (I have some major health issues) to properly parent our little girl. She went home today with a foster mom from a private agency while we take some time to choose her adoptive family.

We're really lucky to have a great agency to work with, and a lot of really fantastic families from which to choose. I really do know that it's the right choice, and I'm confident that we're doing the absolute best thing for our daughter.

Still, I just feel like my life is meaningless and empty. I either feel completely dead inside or am plagued with pain and guilt. I miss her so much already, and it's only been a few hours. I don't know how I can go through life like this.

To make matters worse, many of the hospital staff seemed determined to have me change my mind. I chose to take the 3 days in the hospital to bond with my daughter, even though I knew it would only be more painful for me. First, I knew it was an opportunity I could never regain, but moreover, I knew it was important for her to have love and attention in her first days of life. I fed her, kissed her, held her, changed her, and only let her go down to the nursery when I absolutely had to. I cannot count the number of staff members who asked me if I was sure because I was so clearly in love. Of course I am in love with her, as is her father. That's why we chose to do this for her.

My head is spinning, and my heart is totally broken. I just don't really know how to move forward. I really need to talk to someone who understands. Please help.