I just really need to vent this. I all of a sudden got hit with a sudden wave of depression. Nothing in particular has me sad or caused it but in my mind I feel so alone and just don't want to live. I want to get drunk or take painkillers but I dont. I just feel like a burden to my best friend who even had to tell me tonight that there having such a hard time in there life they aren't able to really be there for me and just had to kinda end our conversation. I hate that my irrational thoughts and stupidity cause me to drive away those closest to me and that it causes me to not be able to be there for my friend like I want. I feel so numb right now i don't feel sad enough to cry i just want to not exist. To just drift away to non existence or fall off the map and never be a burden to anyone again.