Hi! This is my first post on here and I want to give a little background. I started seeing a psychiatrist once a month and was in cognitive therapy 1-2 times a week starting at the age of 16. I always had anger/violence issues, trouble focusing, made impulsive/destructive decisions, began self harm at age 10, and attempted suicide at ages 15, 16, 18, and 19. Once I turned 18 my psychiatrist was comfortable to diagnose me with Bipolar 2, OCD, generalized anxiety, and ADHD. I had tried a whole cocktail of psychiatric drugs, but most had terrible side effects to where I couldn’t go to work, school, or hardly function.

Fast forward to now, I’m 21 years old and I still see my psychiatrist every 6 months (she’s so confident in my progress I don’t have to see her as often! Yay!!), and now I’m seeing a different therapist that specializes in psychodynamic therapy (helps uncover events in your past that could influence your behavior today). As for my psych meds I’m on 30 mg of Adderall XR every morning, 5 mg of Adderall IR in the afternoon, 300 mg of lithium in the morning, 600 mg of lithium in the evening, 10 mg of Celexa in the evening, and .5 mg of Klonopin as needed. This combination has by far been my saving grace. I no longer engage in self harm, I don’t contemplate suicide, for the first time in my life I’ve been able to save money instead of spending it frivolously, I kicked the drug habit, I only have a drink if I’m out with friends (even then I mainly hold it so no one will ask if I want more to drink), and I’m not out having one night stands (I’ve been in a steady relationship for over a year and a half now). I got my driver’s license at 19 (which is a HUGE accomplishment for some with BPD), I graduated high school with a 3.4 GPA, I’ve had multiple raises at work, and I’ve established myself with full time work. My next step is moving out and becoming even more independent.

Now here’s the downside...

I have NO sex drive whatsoever. When my SO and I started dating the intimacy was so easy. We both like to explore so we keep things spicy with toys, roleplay, bondage, binding, etc. I’m not bored by any means, and neither is he. We’ve had countless conversations about it, and I feel so guilty that my body just doesn’t want it. And it has nothing to do with him, I’m still attracted to him, but now he gets discouraged. This is the only issue we’ve ever had to discuss at length, and it kills me. I don’t know if it’s the medication, stress, anxiety, depression, or a combination of those things.

Perhaps I’ve hit a low on my BPD rollercoaster and have to ride it out until I feel ready? Has anyone else ever experienced this before? Sorry for such a long post, I was hoping it would answer any background questions. Any advice on how I can make my mind tell my body to cooperate? Lol.