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I was wondering if anyone else can relate. I've only recently just found out that I have bp, and I've been reflecting some stuff.
So I've never really understood my sexuality as most of the time I tend to be what I think is ace. I have no interest or desire for anyone or anything. Kind of like a plate of food sitting in front of you when you're full.
But then I go through periods where I get very...eccentric and I feel everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Sometimes, when im like this im VERY attracted to men. Sometimes VERY attracted to women. Sometimes, I am attracted to everyone regardless of gender. I'm attracted to random stuff. I dunno everything is just heightened. The weird thing is it's not ALWAYS all genders, it's like a period of preference, maybe environmental suggestions when I start to slip into being hyper for a while.
But after this, it's like it just drops, like a spell I dunno.
Anyway, I'm not really sure if this is a bipolar thing or just me. If anyone can shed some light, that would help me out.
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I can genuinely say after being SA. It was the absolute worst symptom of my BP2 and I never hated myself more because I felt disgusting wanting to do stuff when I clearly was uncomfortable with even being touched by my friends days before. It was so terrible for me and I feel like it made my PTSD so much worse. It took so much therapy to get over "well it couldn't have been that bad if I apparently still want to be a menace at times" despite it being bad enough at one point I didn't want my own child to touch me and I couldn't shower because I couldn't touch myself... Plus getting over the general anxiety of "am I overreacting again?".
That hypersexuality was a beast to deal with and I genuinely hate it to this day. I even partially blame it for how I ended up getting SA though I know logically it was my ex's fault for not respecting my No at the time even if a few weeks prior I was ready for anything if I was awake... Felt like it gave this miscommunication that I wasn't actually against it, just needed some pushing to get frisky. Doesn't help I'm a woman so depending on the stage of my cycle, THAT beast is already annoying.