Hey y’all I’m posting this just to make sure that I’m not fucking insane. I’m new to bp2 and technically not diagnosed as bp2 but instead with a mood disorder since in my state minors can’t be diagnosed as bipolar; But I have spoken with my psych and therapist and they both agree that I’m 90% bipolar

I haven’t really seen much online or on this sub page but have any of you ever had incredibly vivid nightmares and sleep paralysis from your childhood to now (or any point in time)? After a night terror I had 2 nights ago of my being stalked and chased by a lunatic that wanted to do who knows what to me, I woke up to sleep paralysis where I was then unable to move and had a heavy presence on me that was strangling me and restricting my breathing.

Mind you sleep paralysis and nightmares are nothing new to me and I’ve been getting them since I was 6. The only thing is that as I grew older they increased in frequency and intensity.

In elementary I’d 1) get occasional nightmares of being chased by dogs or falling down a rollercoaster to where I’d sneak into my parents room and sleep at the foot of their bed so I’d be able to sleep throughout the night and 2) Constantly wet the bed to the point where my parents banned me from sleeping on my mattress and made me sleep on the floor with a blowup mattress until I could control my bladdder bc I’d be too scared to use the bathroom in the middle of the night because I was convinced that their were demons/spirits in my hallway and bathroom.

As I got into middle school the dreams got more gorey and 1) I stopped getting chased by Rottweilers and pit bulls to getting chased by men who I know want to harm me etc. 2) The amount of times I’d get sleep paralysis upped from a couple times a year to a couple times a month. 3) I’d sometimes see shadows in my room and a couple of times I’d hear bugs and the sort crawling around in my drawers (my bed frame has drawers) but I’d always be too scared to check them to see if their were actual bugs in my drawers. 4) as I was ending middle school I had this one dream/ sleep paralysis where I woke up and felt a presence lying on my chest (this was the start to a new torturous beginning since so used to feel frozen) trying to suck my soul or something into a portal. Mind you I was also dreaming at this time and it was like I left my body and I could see myself frozen in bed while a gargoyle was on top of me with a portal coming out of its mouth trying to suck me into what I now presume to be hell.

When I started high school 1) I’d always have dreams of me eating cupcakes and sweets in my dreams and like clockwork as I was about to take a bite in dream land I’d wake up and be in paralysis where I was strangled. 2) Whenever I cleaned my room in my eyes I ’d always experience something I call “bag physics” basically I’d fill up a trash bag with trash and get a new bag but as I was cleaning, the old bag would start to wriggle around and rustle to the point that it would start to burst and split open and every time it happened I would run out of my room and not go back in it for hours which is weird for me bc my room is my literal den. But bc this happened a lot it got to the point where I didn’t clean my depression room for months bc I was scared of “bag physics” happening. 3) My dreams stopped going from me being chased by a man that wants to just murder me to a man that wants to rape me and the works. What really scared me is that since I’ve been getting chased the proximity between me and my stalkers has gotten shorter and shorter over the years before the guys would me beat least a few feet away from me to now where there an arms length away and it often makes me wake up right as he’s about to catch me

I’m a recent high school grad and in the last couple of months 1) my sleep schedule has changed completely because I’m afraid to sleep at night and often refuse to close my eyes until I see sunlight leaking through my windows. 2) I don’t know what happened first the chicken or the egg but I always feel like there’s something inside of my closet and I’m afraid to even turn my back to it out of fear that it’ll do something to me when my backs turned. 3) In the past, I used to be able to wake from sleep paralysis, go to to splash my face with some water, and then go back to bed with no issues; But now, even if I splash my face and try and go back to sleep 100 times I’ll always fall back into sleep paralysis every single time and I’m forced to ,even if I only get three hours of sleep, power throughout the day because I’m afraid of getting sleep paralysis again. 4) In the last couple of months when I’m in sleep paralysis I not only feel like there’s something heavy on my chest and that I’m being chocked but now my breasts have been getting groped. And one time when I tried to avoid the groping I payed down on my stomach only to woken up during sleep paralysis my bum was being pinched and simultaneously I felt a hand slide down to cop a feel. Literally I don’t sleep now bc there’s a 90% chance that I’ll be groped away and it’s pretty scary. A few days ago I shot my eyes open bc I wanted to see if I was really a nut and I kid you not I saw a 2d not 3d but 2d gargoyle fading away into the background as it stops torturing method

Initially there are 3 dreams that I’ve had in the past 3 months. The first being a moment where I’m in sleep paralysis, escape, then fall back into it where I’m then sent into spectator mode and I see myself in bed with a faceless guy who (judging off his sly remarks and my fear for him) I presume to be my abusive bf. He was trying to coerce me into getting into bed with him but saying I was being dramatic and that we’d just sleep but I knew that if I complied hed end up raping me. He forced me into the bed then used my hair as a pillow sheet while mocking me with his eyes and trying to pull me flush against him. I run out of the apartment where he chases me and I scream for the neighbors to help but no one comes to save me then I wake up. 2) Another day I was in sleep paralysis and my mom was banging on my door trying to get me to do the dishes but ai was frozen still. Then I sense a finger move up to my ear and hear “shhhhhhh” also at this time its hand was crawling up my arm but after it shushed me it pulled its hand away and I was able to wake up. 3) Then last night I experienced something I never have before. I went straight from a night terror to sleep paralysis where I was being strangled like I never have been before.

I’ve been on Wellbutrin for a month now but it hasn’t done anything to stop or exasterbate my night terrors

Lol^ Now that I’ve finally put this all down I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a nut. I never realized the gravity of these things until I wrote them all down 😭 please please please tell me I’m not the only one who experiences this

Also sorry if I misspelled anything’s I’m normally a grammar but but I haven’t slept in days and I’m currently waiting for the sun to rise :)