I don’t trust my husband at all. Every time he’s upstairs for too long without me, every time he’s downstairs too long without me I’m worried he’s gonna hang himself again. Every time we go a few hours without speaking to one another throughout the day, I panic. Say we r laying in bed and he walks out the room and closes the door, I have this panic feeling that he’s gonna try it again. Every time we get into a fight, I worry he’s gonna try to commit suicide again. Every time he’s feeling depressed, I’m worried he’s gonna try it again and I won’t b there to save him. I have ptsd from this shit dude. I hear him struggling to breathe, I see his face as he’s passed out w the rope around his neck. The rope belonged to my robe btw.
Every time I walk upstairs to the bathroom, I see him hanging there on the bathroom door. I’m worried he’s gonna do it again n I’ll b the one to find him.

Sounds selfish but it makes me want to leave him. I can’t handle it anymore. I’m a complete hypocrite though bc I’ve tried to kill myself a couple times. Now I know what my family thinks n feels.

Will this ever go away? He refuses to get any help and the fact that he has no insurance doesn’t help matters. Idk what to do anymore. It gives me massive anxiety and consumes my mind. I hate that panic feeling I get.

Any advice? Kind n helpful words only please.