I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago for a few reasons. One of them was that he didn’t like my new personality on meds. We used to smoke marijuana together every night for six months and then I quit cold turkey and had a psychotic episode at the end of that week.

I know I have the depression part of bipolar, but besides that one psychotic episode, I’ve never felt manic.

My mom just commented tonight that my memory is very bad, worse than she expected. One of my friends told me that the way the breakup went down made it seem like my boyfriend had wanted to break up with me a long time ago.

I feel like either the risperdal or depakote is making my memory worse than it should be. I’m really glad I’m on bupropion/wellbutrin though.

I just wonder if I lost my relationship because I refused to go off my prescribed meds or try another cocktail.

And I wonder if I was ever actually manic at all, or just undergoing some kind of weird cannabis withdrawal.

I just feel like the guy in flowers from Algernon and I don’t want to become stupid because I was so smart for most of my life. I don’t know what to do now that I don’t feel intelligent or sexy.

I’m scared I’m just going to live at my mom’s forever and not be able to take care of myself financially anymore.