Over the course of the past couple years, my angry outbursts have gotten so much worse. When I first started back on meds after about 8-9 years without back in July of last year, I immediately let my psych know that this was one of the most important things to me that I needed help controlling so I was placed on initially just paroxetine and carbamazepine. I had HUGE side effects (dizziness, fainting, nausea, etc etc) from the paroxetine but pushed through it to try and see if it would work. Later on, I ended up talking to my psych about my anxiety which also causes these rage episodes, and they added buspirone, an anxiety preventative, not 100% effective but better than it used to be.

I took paroxetine up until 3 weeks ago exactly when I had a talk with my psych again about my depression, it's been the lowest its ever been, so I'm definitely sure that med wasn't helping so they switched me over to Zoloft. For the most part, I've felt like it has been helping, I've been getting more done and not laying around the house all day, even taking short walks outside which I normally just can't bring myself to do. However, my angry outburst are SO SO bad and when they happen, I can't control them in the moment, I can't even think straight but then afterwards the rage is gone, I get about 2 seconds of "omg finally my brain stopped yelling" and then right over to the dread and guilt and feelings of "omg how could I do that, I'm such a terrible person" followed by the depression that comes along with feeling shitty about not being able to control your own mind and body.

Does anyone else experience this? How have you coped or are there some mechanisms you use to try and avoid these? Anyone on medication where you have specifically told your doctor about your bipolar rage fits and they've tried a certain med for you and it helped? I'm willing to try anything and everything at this point to become a better human because I can't live like an angry little munchkin anymore!