Just needed to vent. I don't enjoy anything. I hate every second at my job. I go to hide in the restroom every 30 minutes. I vape in there and in another room I'm not supposed to. I kind of want them to fire me. I hate everything I watch. I hate all my favorite music. I miss mania. The only thing that's good about my meds is that I'm not suicidal. I have no joy and happiness and my significant other is getting sick of it too. I dunno how to deal. I've tried so many meds under the sun and nothing is working. My psychiatrist has kind of given up on me and keeps recommending ect and ketamine. Side effects are the worst. Getting on and off meds is hell on earth. I manage to get up to go to work every day but for what? Just to pay bills.. I'm just sick of it all