Like the title says, I convinced myself I’m not bipolar after months of fiending for weed. I knew it interacted poorly with both my meds and my disorder and so I went through this long process of undoing everything I had learned about myself so that I could rationalize smoking weed again. I started about a week ago. I even stopped taking my Latuda. For like four days. And I immediately relapsed into the worst depression I can remember. Agonizing grief-like depression. I’m still feeling it.

I need to get off the weed and get back to treating my bipolar. Should I check myself into rehab or inpatient? I’m in so much pain. I can’t believe I did this to myself. I had four months sober and then bam, back on my ass. I know the denial happens to a lot of people with bipolar but I didn’t think it would be so extreme for me. I didn’t think it would result in me flipping my life upside down within a single week.

I need help.