Today I had plans to go stay at a friends house, someone who usually wants to jump my bones once I walk in the front door. Over the last few days I haven’t been in the mood and wanted to avoid a sticky situation so I brought it up before I went over there. She was very cold to just hanging out and it kind of triggered me to spiral even quicker in the direction I was already going.

I then became very indecisive, unsure if I wanted to go or not, unsure if I should be alone or go and have company. I could feel the pain in my chest building and I had no idea what to do, every decision seemed like it would be the wrong one.

I know where I was at, it was heathy for me to stay home and do some self care, but now that it’s later and I’ve been alone all day I’m feeling lonely and depressed. I feel like this just reinforces the feeling that any choice is the wrong one.