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I'm afraid it could be the start of a mixed episode. I'm afraid I just need something to trigger me and I'll go off like a bomb, because I physically feel sick, and I feel so anxious and ansty, yet so unwilling to do any of the things that made me happy even YESTERDAY.
With bipolar I am constantly experiencing new things, because I don't think I developed it until I was in my 20s, I truly think when I was younger my diagnosis was right and I just had depression and anxiety and things CHANGED in my 20s but then I don't know for sure. I just know things are worse now. And it's hard. Because people don't want to hear your issues, so I'm everyone's shoulder to cry on, but I have no friends, or real life support people. I have an online therapist, and a flaky church group, and doctors who don't properly treat my physical problems so I am dealing with double the issues.
I am just exhausted. Like psychologically, spiritually, physically, but I am too anxious to rest, in any way.
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- 8 years ago
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