I self medicate with weed to get by. To get hungry, to sleep, to not go crazy and I know I should be on meds but I’m afraid to leave that crutch. I’m afraid of how ill be on meds how I’ll feel.

Sometimes I think I just rather let myself drown and suffer than actually help myself. Idk what to do. The problems just keep piling on and idk. I’m too broken. I have bp2, ocd, body dysmorphia and so much trauma and ptsd from my childhood. I either have adhd or I’m manic all the time. I have too many things to work on and it’s scary. It’s scary facing these things head on. Idk that I can. I’m not sure I’m strong enough. And im tired. I need a break. I wish I could just sleep for a month and wake up. My mind needs a vacation and the universe needs to just chill and cut me a little fucking slack.