My mother and stepfather cut off my allowance and my medical aid because I posted about supporting palestine on Facebook (they think I’m being an antisemite because I criticise the slaughter of children). I had been on medication for about 2 years, tweaking my antipsychotics and mood stabilisers until I felt like I was in a good place. I also don’t have access to my therapist anymore. My father still thinks I’m taking them, but I don’t want to tell him they cut me off. My meds cost about 33 hours of minimum wage work from my job to pay for, and my father can’t even afford a flat where I can have a bedroom so I sleep on the couch.

I’ve been off my meds for about a month now. The withdrawal pains and craziness have subsided, but my depressive episodes are far heavier than they were before. I feel totally hopeless. 2 of my friends sent me photos/videos of them attempting suicide, I cut one off but haven’t with the other yet, and another cut me off after ghosting me for 2 months. The depressive episode is amplifying my self hatred, which is very difficult to deal with in the midst of these “social failings” I feel I’m committing.

Should I tell my father about the meds? Or try to rawdog reality off of them. Im scared of becoming unstable and dangerous towards others when I’m not medicated and in therapy, but I haven’t noticed that I’ve done anything bad yet. I want help, I want support and advice, and I don’t know where to turn to.