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I am having the worst hypomanic episode, probably with a splash of comorbid OCD. I've had panic attacks, month long mania, etc, and this is hellish. For days now I'm just constantly on edge, hyper aware of how nothing makes sense. I look at my hand and it looks so foreign. I look at cars and TVs and they make no sense to me. Why is any of this happening, and why is it happening to me? What am I doing here and how am I supposed to deal with it? Constantly, can't escape it. Anytime I get a reprieve the second I regain my active thought process it starts again. I don't want to figure any of this out I just want to go back to being a cog in the machine. I told my psych and I'm waiting for my first Ativan ever to kick in, hope it works lol
I am diagnosed bipolar 1, General anxiety disorder, and cptsd.
I experience hypomania this way. I believe this mood episode gives my anxiety the room to run shit. It generally doesn’t get the opportunity when I’m stable (though it’s never gone).
I feel “carried away” by my anxiety in this state. I’m agitated, frightened of things that are not reality, and my sleep sucks. The most striking difference is when I am “stable” I am able to reason. I am able to speak to myself and change my perception. I CANNOT do this in hypomania. The anxiety screams louder than I do.
I use my PRN benzo during this time. It slows all my brain down in a helpful way. I also get better (not great) sleep when I take them and I’m activated.
I am actually in this place right now. I called my pdoc and got an adjustment. This is always a good idea, even if they don’t make changes immediately.
I hope you feel better soon. I am available to chat if you need an ear.
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