I don't know where the proper place is to start, but I'll start with my debt to my mom. $12,000. Mostly because I can't pay my rent for the apartment I'm not even living in anymore. She's says I can take my time paying her back, but the pressure is still there.

Then there's my romantic relationship. I cheated on him in a manic episode recently, and he's doing his best to understand mania and that I wasn't myself, but the strain is still in our relationship. I still want to see the man I cheated on him with as I am polyamorous, but I can't see him for fear of ruining what's left of my relationship.

Most of my friends have left me. I've heard they talk shit behind me behind my back as they don't understand bipolar, but I've talked to them directly and apparently we're all still friends. Doesn't help the paranoia. Though they're all in a different state so that shouldn't effect me too much but it still does.

Because all my "friends" are in a different state I hardly talk to anyone that lives where I do, so I feel alone. My boyfriend lives over an hour away, and my best friend has her own mental problems and doesn't always want to talk.

I feel I have a mental dependency on pot but I can't just stop. It's like it helps keep me sane, but at the same time it worsens the paranoia.

I quit my most recent job because I was paranoid all my coworkers hated me. Since I've quit only one has reached out to me. There were more than 10 people including me on our team and everyone seemed to have a friend except for me.

Everything just feels like too much and everyday I feel I can't handle it. Sometimes I can get stuff done, most of the time I can't. I just feel stuck, I don't know what to do. I feel alone and empty and I don't want to deal with everything anymore.