My social life, romantic life, and personal life are all over. I can’t believe I was going fine, dealing with regular depression but working, dating, having fun with friends, enjoying hobbies. Then manic psychosis hits me and it’s all gone. I’m not a person anymore. I sent psychotic texts to a long time crush and ruined things. I can’t connect to the music or tv I like, the world I walk around in, the people around me. I was on vacation last week and having good food and going to the beach and I felt just as empty and disconnected as ever. I don’t get pleasure from food, I can’t read tone of voice or social cues anymore, showering is no longer calming or relaxing, and sleep isn’t either. It’s all just gone. All feelings, all connections to the things around me that make me feel human. I took pride in living in a beautifully decorated apartment and was an artist and worked in nature and none of it matters to me. I can’t make art or appreciate art. I can’t connect to what art styles I liked or disliked. I hate being in nature now and it brings me no joy. Everything important to me is gone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t cook, and almost had to give up my cat because I couldn’t take care of her. She’s taken care of now with family but I don’t even feel love for her anymore. Every day is the same, wake up, feel empty for hours on end and do nothing, take meds, sleep. I’m on lithium, lamictal, and abilify, none of them are helping this state I’m in. I can’t keep going on just to save other people the pain. It’s not fair. I hate this stupid bs disease and constantly ask myself why the world would do something so evil as to wholly end my life and everything it could have been. Idk what to do :(