After I got my diagnosis they literally booted me to phone appointments only. I don’t think you can get a good feel for someone over the phone or video chat. They’re psychiatrists. They know the human brain and body. You can’t see body language or facial expressions through a phone call

Right? My best friend was in therapy and after a while it was time for her diagnosis, she told the psychiatrist what she thought she might have had based on her research which was . The psychiatrist said “You’re too self aware to have that.” And then diagnosed her with PTSD and depression. She got a new therapist luckily

When I was initially diagnosed I had mentioned almost everything I said here. They just seemed to focus on the BP1. I don’t want to bring it up and make it seem like I’m trying to self diagnose. But that being said I do agree, I think I most certainly qualify.

My ex and I had a rule that we could be on Grinder, we could flirt and trade nudes for our own personal purposes as long as we didn’t meet anyone. I always did while he was at work. Never told him, never showed any hints. I was good at hiding it. It’s that manipulation tactic that I’ve become well accustomed to using. Which is partially why I thought I would be diagnosed with BPD instead of BP1. But he and I established such good trust that we never looked in each others phones. Except since he never wore his Apple Watch, I snuck into that to read his texts instead 😬 It was easy because I knew his debt card pin and assumed it would be the same for his phone/watch. And then I saw texts of him flirting with a guy he worked with, that he was talking to BEFORE we started dating. But that coworker he was flirting with was dating their boss, the district manager, so they couldn’t do anything. And he KNEW that I was jealous of that guy. So I confronted him with the evidence on his watch and he flipped out about it and changed the password. Figured it out in about two days but you know 🙄 And the night he broke up with me, he left to stay somewhere else. Before I went into a huge depressive period about two days later, I blew 4 guys in a row that night. Had a sore throat for a while. And my most recent manic episode lasted two months, all of April and May, and besides a different guy or two everyday, one day I had 5 different guys, and 2 of them went twice. Personal record for me

My stepmother is bipolar 2 with hypomania and spent so much of her time not getting out of bed, not even to shower. She’d probably spend most of 3 weeks a month in bed and never coming out of her room unless it was to use the bathroom. Or if she did come out, it was to make a list of things for everyone to do around the house. And then make our lives miserable if it wasn’t done to her standards. Back then when she would try to excuse the way she treated us because of her disorder, I completely blew it off. I didn’t think it was a good excuse to psychologically abuse everyone in the house. While I still don’t exactly forgive her, I now understand her condition. And I know it really isn’t her fault. It probably would have helped if she didn’t stop taking her meds and seeing her psychiatrist, but we all go through phases where we don’t want help. Which is why I’m honestly glad I’m Bipolar 1 instead. At least when I’m in a depressive episode I can still go to work and take care of myself. My house might get a little sloppy and I might not feel like doing shit, but I can still do the bare minimum of what needs done. Most of my depressive episodes are really small. I’ve only had one that lasted about two months and that was back in 2019 after my break up. Didn’t get out of bed for 3 weeks except to use the bathroom and occasionally get food. Maybe showered 4 or 5 times. When I went back to work I was so out of it I was walking in front of fork lifts and generally putting myself in danger without realizing it. I never want to feel that way again. So I have major respect for those that have to handle extremely difficult depressive periods. I wouldn’t survive if I had to deal with it that much

I’d love to hear your experiences with psychosis! I’ve had two episodes of psychosis myself in the last year, one premeds and one after, as recently as two weeks ago actually. And looking back on the things I heard, saw, felt, I’m still scared of it and it gives me chills.

As for the hypersexuality I get it. From when I was a teenager, to dating my ex, and after we broke up. During periods of my life that was straight up mania, not only would I have a new partner daily but sometimes up to 4 or 5 different ones a day. I met up with a trucker and we had sex all night and then he talked me into coming back to Texas with him (I live in Ohio), and I didn’t even really realize the severity of what I did until I was halfway through Tennessee. I snuck away and had to call my ex to come get me (post break up). Back when I actually was dating my ex I cheated on him all the time and didn’t even have the courtesy to have safe sex. He never found out. He broke up with me because I went full on psycho and turned on various location settings on his phone so I could track him on 4 different apps, not to mention the tracker I put in the hidden compartment of his trunk 🥴 He found out about that after a year and 9 months of us dating. He’s forgiven me for that though and we’re still friends, when I got my diagnosis and medications he was relieved that there was an excuse 😂

Yeah no problem. Go ahead

My psychosis episodes were more hallucinogenic and paranoia. I kept seeing people in my house, one opening my front door and hiding in the spare room was the worse. One standing at the foot of my bed when I woke up. I saw a black hole (space kind) start to form on my floor and it scared the shit out of me. Rather than seeing my cat running towards me I saw a fucking tiger. I went to take my dog out before bed when it was dark, and take my trash to the curb. I walked in front of my porch to go to the trash can, ducked under the hanging flower pot that had been there for 4 years, grabbed the trash can and turned around and was scared shirtless because I saw someone behind me. But it was really just the flower pot and I thought it was someone’s head. So then I kept seeing people staring at me from the dark areas outside, actual human shapes with eyes I could see. And when I take my dog out I’m usually listening to music, so as I was taking the trash away telling myself I’m safe as long as I stay where the light is, a voice whispered in my ear “If you’re listening to music, how can you hear anyone run up behind you?.” I tossed my headphones and ran into the house. Took me 10 minutes to realize I left my dog outside and was too afraid to open the door. By the time I did she was just chilling in front of the door on the rug, completely unimpressed by her psycho Daddy. And I didn’t go to work for three days because I thought everyone I knew was talking about me behind my back because none of them liked me. Even my friends. I thought they were making fun of me for my disorder and having FMLA for it. Which some people actually have, they said I’m young and don’t need medication or FMLA for a made up illness.

As for religious delusions, when I was manic for two months I was convinced that I was blessed by Apollo and he made me one of his oracles. My intuition had been so strong that in my current state of mind, it was almost precognitive. So I started to study today’s practices of Greek Polytheism, and began building him an alter. I started studying herbal medicines and poisons, because I thought I was meant to heal his followers and poison his enemies. Then when I came out of that I realized how stupid I must have sounded to my family and friends. Especially when I’m an atheist. The only good thing about that manic episode (besides the sex) was I was exercising so much those two months I lost 20llbs.