I am a 20 year old male, med student. My brother is 15. I have been suffering with bi polar disorder for some years now. I've got officially diagnosed on 2021. The story behind my diagnosis: I have attempted to end my life a dozen times before my first serious attempt. It's classic. I used to cut myself/self harm. My parents ignored it assuming I was doing something freaky. The night of 2 February 2021 arrived and I did it. I attempted to end my life. I didn't have a lock on my door so I left it ajar. I'm the only one living on the first floor of our house and it's rare that my parents visit me. Strangely, my mom decided to pay me a visit that night and I was found lying on the floor, collapsed...having a bad seizure. I was taken to the hospital in a car because the neighborhood will be "alerted" if an ambulance arrived(my parents exact words) Then I was hospitalized and I got diagnosed. Since then, I'm on meds.

Fast forward to the present.

My parents pulled me out of meds and stopped me from visiting my doc( my psychiatrist and my dad work together. Yes. My asshole dad is a doctor and my mom is a psychologist)

Today I was completing some assignments. I was messing around with my brother in a friendly way. Things started getting heated and all of a sudden he said "Ahhh yes. Says the guy who cried for help while having a seizure. You can't even succeed in taking your own life. You were screaming for help on that floor. You can't even kill yourself, can you?"

My mom was in the other room. She over heard the conversation and she did nothing. Literally nothing. She just called him and took him to school.

My family has a past of suicide. My uncle, grandpa and other ancestors took their own life and now I'm the victim in my family.

My question is, am I being a burden? Is it my fault that my mom rescued me that night ?

TLDR: AITA for not being to take my own life after having a history of mental illness and abusive family with a history of suicide?