I know, by the process of trial and error, that I need medication. I was diagnosed bipolar at 18 after a series of very unfortunate events lead to me spiraling and crash landing at rock bottom. Since then I have tried several different regiments of medications. Some made me feel like I was numb or in a fog. Some made me impossibly tired. Some made me gain weight and loss all motivation. But finally after about 5 years of trying, I found a medication regiment that ACTUALLY works for me. However lately, I have found myself struggling with wanting to take it at all. I recently missed a week, then a few more days after a few days back on. Now I know this is playing with fire. I know I can turn on a dime and this can go wrong in a million ways. I just wanted to know if I am alone in the struggle of knowing you need the medication but being tired of popping pills in order to feel any kind of normality. And I know taking medication doesn't make you any less of a person, but it is such a hard pill to swallow that I cannot function adequately without it. That I'll likely be taking medication for the rest of my life.