I don't care about improving anymore. I just don't.

Progress is damn near impossible to make and when you DO think you're getting somewhere someone better comes along and happily spreads their feces all over your cue stick while running out on you before trying to shake your hand with their stinky middle finger.

This "game" is a retarded mess of a pastime and whoever plays it is a goddamn moron who pees sitting down.

Tonight was just a dreadful time at the table.

Again.

I'm seriously wondering why I keep on doing this to myself. Why I keep putting myself through such pointless nights on a quest to get better at this maddening game. What's the point? When will I genuinely feel like I'm getting better? When will I get a consistent level of confidence? Will all this practice and failure be worth it?

I guess I just have to sit down and ask myself WHY I'm playing this game. Why do I want to get better? Why do I care? Should I really stop caring? How much would it really matter to me if I kept playing and didn't make substantial leaps in skill ten years down the line?

Should I keep playing, or should I just call it fucking quits?

I've had some fun. More disappointment and rage than fun, but fun nonetheless. And I've got some stories in my pocket, some that I'll remember for a long time.

The problem is that most of the time I just end up failing and stop caring. You'd think that if you really cared about something failure wouldn't matter so much. You'd just put your head down and charge your way through to a breakthrough, or two, or three, before finally realizing some powerful evolution.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just don't love this game enough. And if that's the case, then I'll only keep bashing my teeth to bits month after month until eventually I wise up and realize there's more rewarding things to do in life.

Maybe I've just lost sight of what I should really be putting my effort into.

'Cause it sure doesn't feel like it's supposed to be this bullshit game.