More losses against Rudi tonight. He was high and sometimes when he bullied a shot he grunted to himself and said, "Too hard! Like my dick!"

I'll never get tired of watching him move around the table. He's like a wasp, quickly buzzing from spot to spot and stinging at the cue ball with the manner of a creature trying its best to kill. I wish I could go back in time and watch him hustle. That'd be some kind of treat.

He revealed that he was 73 years old tonight. I didn't think he was older than 65. The fucker keeps himself in shape despite his injuries and has a restlessly youthful demeanor that few men his age can muster, let alone maintain. Maybe it's the weed, although you'd think weed would relax him a bit. Fucking Rudi.

He's a likeable guy, he really is. He went into detail about the skateboarding accident that broke his leg while playing basketball, and he says it was snapped in six places after slipping on the out of control skateboard, flipping head over heels, and landing in the worst way. He laughed while describing the reactions of the other players on the court; they huddled around him and kept screaming, "Goddamn, nigga!" while jumping up and down and grabbing their faces. He said watching them go hilariously crazy at the sight of all his blood helped him relax, which baffled them. He said that if he'd lost his cool it would've been more likely for him to go into shock, so he didn't. He just went for his bike, hobbled back home, stuck his bones back into place, and visited the hospital the next day.

The next fucking day.

He said he slept like a baby the night before, although I don't know if I believe that.

Fucking Rudi.

After our games he did compliment me though, so there's that. He said I was shooting better and that with more practice I'd be gambling in a year or two. He says that pool hustling is dead, and that if I had any desire to play for money (which I do) I'd be strictly relying on my skills versus other formidable players in upfront matches.

Even though I know I have a long way to go before I'm a consistent player, let me tell you that hearing him say those words excited the shit out of me. He also said to be prepared to lose a lot of money.

"Gambling isn't for pussies. You take the risk and you do your best, but you gotta be ready to lose it all."

I've gambled before. I used to bet on boxing and mixed martial arts and over three months and starting from nothing I built over five grand in winnings. Then in a weekend I lost it all and I promised myself I'd never gamble again. The drowning feeling of panic and despair I felt while realizing I'd lost every cent was something that truly frightened me. And then I wondered how I'd feel if instead of $5,000 I lost $100,000.

I couldn't imagine it.

But gambling on oneself, on one's own polished skills and attitude, that's vastly different than betting on others, isn't it? And losing would come easier because you'd be in more control, right? Accountability is necessary when betting on yourself. If you lose, there's no one else to blame but the dejected man in the mirror. I could take that. I could live with that.

But it's not a possibility quite yet. I don't know what the future has in store for me, after all. I guess all I can do is take things day by day and continue to slowly learn and grow. And if I never turn into a gambler then I'll still be a decent shooter, and that wouldn't be too bad at all.