So, I've listened to more than 250 accounts of first hand experiences involving Bigfoot. All of this time I'm thinking how can these things be faked assuming the more than 10,000 recorded sightings are indeed all fake.

I've come up with a list of things that a costume would have to do in order to satisfy that all of these stories had a "guy in a costume". Can anyone link a Bigfoot costume that meets these requirements (and a price tag would also be nice too)? And please, leave the jokes and snide comments to yourself, I'd like to see this costume for sale anywhere in the world.

1. Allows a 6 foot man to be 9-10 feet tall, proportional and able to move

2. No visible seams/zippers/buttons

3. Allows the user to safely transverse across moving water up to the costumes chest

4, Allows the user's hands to reach the knees of the costume and remain articulate enough to use the fingers

1. Allows for enlarged facial features (larger than a man's mouth/eyes that are wider apart than a man's eyes, etc.) and is still able to navigate a forested area in it

2. Allows for the scaling of rock cliffs

3. Allows the user to lift and throw objects that are at least 150 pounds more than 50 yards with an accuracy allowing it to hit and puncture a normal sized pickup truck's windshield (think javelin)

4. Does not over heat the user if they are walking up hills or in other more difficult terrain

5. Allows the user to navigate in forested areas at night with no infra red lights or other artificial light sources

6. Was available between the time frames of 1846- current

7. Leaves convincing footprints up to 22 inches (and still allows the user to move)

8. Allows the user to emit a scream/howl at decibels high enough to vibrate a car as well as the driver's guts

9. Allows the user to maintain enough situational awareness as to avoid being caught or seen should the user wish it

10. Allows for the emission of an odor, on demand, that is extremely foul

11. Must also have options for male genitalia, female breasts and an infant version

If anyone can link to me a suit that allows for even half of those then I'll show you a military contract worth billions.