Words can not describe how happy I am to have finally found a name for what I have been feeling since now looking back probably since I can remember. Growing up I never felt distinctly different from being either a boy or a girl. Granted I did like the long hair at times and the dresses but I loved to play rough and dirty and not like your typical girl.

Fast forward to puberty and I would get bouts of dysphoria wishing to be a boy and wondering if I should start transitioning but then I would argue with my self in the mirror for hours because I loved everything to do with being afab. From the empowerment, to the knowledge that I can carry a life and one day desires to carry that deep wanted wish out, and knowing I am the only woman manager in my field of work. But I had a deep seeding longing as well for the male side of things.

I thought that I was non-binary so I landed on that for a while and wanted to use she/them pronouns. But that didn't sit right as well. I did feel towards the binary but at the same time. So more struggling with my identity and sexuality and dealing with my bisexuality since I have only dated men but for one aspect of me. And I want to date women for the other aspect of me and feel it on a more masculine type level. So when I stumbled upon genderfluid I decided to go with that but it Brough even more questions and battling with myself until today.

Today I found out there is a definition for the way I have been feeling on a deeper level. Bigender. And that I am not alone in this.