My husband has brought up the idea of medication to me, but I feel how he brought it up seems… harsh? I don’t know the right word. We have a 3.5 month-old rainbow baby after our first was stillborn at 39 weeks last year and I’ve been going to therapy ever since. I now know the joys of living motherhood, but due to me being on the spectrum, having time away, even for a couple of hours, is instrumental to my mental health.

I have specific childcare days (sharing between my mom and MIL) while he has none unless he’s off work (rotating schedule and shifts, spanning from 5AM-2PM to 10AM-7PM). But even with that, sometimes my mom will take her for the day just because or he ends up hanging out with MIL, so he’s basically gets help whenever. I’m alone on my days, especially on his 10-7 days, since the moms work on those days. Sometimes I’m lucky to have him work 5-2 that day so that I can have some time to decompress, but he mostly works his 10-7 shifts on my childcare days.

Yesterday, he mentioned that he would take her to his grandparents after his 5-2 shift today to give me some time alone. Our daughter is usually happy but has moments of fussiness, but today was one of the latter days. She would scream and fight each nap for about 20 minutes before finally falling asleep and sleeping for about 40-50 minutes. So having a rough day knowing I would be able to relax after 2 had me counting down the minutes. Of course, we still had tons of fun and giggles during her wake window, but I was looking forward to relaxing.

Husband got home a little after 2 and mentioned that he needed to use the bathroom and get the diaper bag together. He was in the bathroom for 20 minutes and it took him 15 minutes to get the diaper bag together. Daughter had just gotten up from a nap and I had mentioned that he maybe had 20 minutes before she became fussy for a bottle. But, alas, she became fussy sooner so I fed her.

I was slightly annoyed, until he brings up that he offered and switched his schedule tomorrow (another childcare day for me) from a 7-4 shift to a 10-7 one to help a manager without asking me. I couldn’t hide my annoyance at this point and ended being short with him. It was then, after I gave him our daughter, he brings up that I need to see a doctor to get medication with how stressed I am.

It rubbed me the wrong way. I know that I’m at an increased risk of PPD/PPA given my reproductive history and my ASD, but to bring it up when I’m just annoyed that he switched shifts without asking? Most of the time I’m only able to get stuff done or relax when he’s home to care for her too since she’s so needy. Now I feel like this relaxing time has been tainted and is now a time that I have to get things done before I have her all day and evening tomorrow.

Am I right to be annoyed or does he have a point?