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You see, on the surface, I try to project confidence and self-assurance, but deep down, there's this other side of me that I've been trying to ignore. It's this strange fascination with being teased and mocked, and degraded- made to hate the turmoil that’s going on in my mind.
I know it sounds ridiculous, and I want to hate myself for even entertaining such thoughts. How could someone like me, who values kindness and acceptance, be drawn to something so demeaning? I’m such a beta cunt.
There's this part of me that craves it, that finds some strange comfort in the idea of being made fun of. It's like I'm torn between two conflicting desires, unable to reconcile who I am with who I feel like I'm becoming.
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- 6 months ago
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